The Goddess Inika

The image of "me" is such a strong one. I say "me" because it is colors on a screen or ink on paper. That it has a likeness of me doesn't matter. What matters is what I feel when I look at it. I feel "at one", whole, beautifully a part of life. I feel compassion for this "one" who communes with the material world but is not of it. Thank you for the offering.  

Inika Sati Spence  

I remember when I was 8 years old and trying to convince my self that I should learn to like roller coasters.  For some reason, I always got my self all worked up thinking that maybe something bad was going to happen.  The result was always the same.  I loved the ride and wanted to go on the next ride.  I remember one time, waiting in line, feeling apprehensive, and not sure if I wanted to turn around and get out of the line because I was too frightened.  I got the courage to stay, and when it was my turn, “What are you waiting for!?!” was all I could hear from the impatient and excited little boy behind me.  So I got on.  I got in.  I got right back out.  I was frozen in place, I was terrified.  I knew I looked as white as a ghost because I could feel the sensation of passing out slowly enveloping me.  Everyone was staring.  I could see the frustration in their eyes.  I am sure many were thinking “What’s wrong with that girl?  Why doesn’t she get on the damn ride and stop holding up the line!?!”  My brow was wet.  My legs were trembling but I somehow mustered up the courage to get back in the roller coaster car.  I pulled down the lap bar and waited.  My hands were sweating.  My heart was racing like it was ready to blast out of my chest.

As we began to move, I kept saying to myself, over and over, “Is it too late to get off?”  “Can I really do this” “Can I holler out stop the ride?”  Even at such an early age, I wasn’t the type of individual that liked to give up or fail.  I didn’t then, nor do I now, give myself limits.  So, all the way back then, not knowing who I’d become, I decided to stay on.  I watched as we began to ascend the giant hill.  All the way up I was panicking.  My eyes were clenched tight and my hands gripped the bar like I was in serious pain.  I felt us slow down as we approached the top of the hill and slowly, I opened my eyes.  Glancing around, I saw that everyone waiting anxiously for us to drop.  I knew that going down would bring on a whole new sensation.  It would be completely different from the nauseous feeling of getting on the ride.  I remember feeling strangely exhilarated.  I felt so alive with the breeze caressing my face as we raced down the track.  Every new hill renewed my feelings of weightlessness and rising elation.  I threw my arms in the air and lifted myself as far out from under the bar as it would allow.  I surrendered to the ride, consumed, alive and free.

So here we go, it’s November 16, 2002.  I am completely ready for the rush of feelings that this nude photo shoot would bring.  The thought of lying naked in front of the camera brought me back to my childhood memories.  A time when my fears and insecurities invaded my head and weighed heavily on my heart.  The excitement of riding a roller coaster aroused so many different sensations. I knew that I was nervous then, as I am now, but the end result produced so many exhilarating feelings that  I know I have the confidence to shoot nude.  I have wanted to this for some time.  Waiting for Ricardo to release me from my fears was like waiting in line for my first roller coaster ride.  My palms are sweaty.  My legs are trembling.   My brow is wet and my heart is racing.  I feel as if I am about to be playing a song only for me to hear.  A song of freedom, a freedom finally enjoyed.  When I first walked in the room I felt the same pressure that I felt when the line diminished and it was it was my turn to take that plunge.  With the scene set and everyone ready to roll I relived the anxiety of slowly inching my way to the top of the first hill.  The first flash was an exciting rush of emotions. A loss of a feeling of control.  I’ve never imagined such intensity.  Never achieved such an explosion of feelings.  The ultimate turn on.  At each click and whirr of his camera, the moment becomes more intense.  With each flash, I experience a weightless, worriless feeling where all my fears came together to be unleashed from their cage.  The only thing that I could compared to this was that first roller coaster ride.  All of it’s ups and downs made my fears turn to enjoyment.  I am amazed at how natural I feel as I lay naked, exposed and vulnerable yet completely free.  It’s as though all my worries were undeserved as I have been released.  Ricardo’s right here with me, but it’s almost as if I were alone.  My awareness of the camera becomes vague.  My insecurities drift into in the wind just as my screams did on that first ride.  I left my fears of the unknown to haunt someone else as I now only craved another ride on my new found freedom.
-by Anonymous

i step out of the shower and stare into the mirror
at my nakedness. turning to the side, i see the
curve of my belly and the shadow it casts
confirming it's convex shape. i continue to
critique myself wishing i didn't have such
intense tan lines and that horrible scar. "am i
really going to take nude photos?", i ask aloud.
"Yes you are." she says, seemingly from a
distance. "i just wish i had the confidence to do
this so many years ago when i first
shot with Ricardo. i'm just not happy with myself
at the moment." "When will you be happy?" she
inquires. "i don't know, when i have a flat
stomach, no cellulite or stretch marks on my
legs and butt." "And when will that be?"
she asks simply.
i continue to stare and, the longer i stare, the
more critical i become. i tune her out. i become
hesitant. i want to change my mind. i don't have
the confidence. i don't have the courage. in a
few hours i am to be completely naked. she
keeps nattering at me from the background,
mumbling about me being too critical, beauty
being in the eye of the beholder and other such
cliches. what the hell does she know? i have to
be comfortable. i take a deep breath as i realize,
it's too late. Ricardo's on his way. why did i
ever agree to doing this? going back.......

i first meet Ricardo Scipio. it's 1992. i'm 19 years
old. i'm ridiculously skinny, but, for some odd
reason, society has gotten me to believe that i'm
sexy. teetering between self confidence and
insecurity, i wrestle with the self acceptance of
adulthood and the insecurity of my teens. i shoot
with him and he makes me feel comfortable with
myself. maybe i exude a confidence that i know i
don't possess because he asks me if i'd like to do
a nude photo shoot. considering it, i
simultaneously think, "he's crazy" and "that
would be cool". the less secure side wins out and i
decline. he's gone. many years later......

-a friend of mine wants to do a photo shoot andasks me
if i know any photographers. i try to think of who impacted
me most during my brief attack
at the bizarre industry of "modeling". i consider
numerous photographers and then one that leaps
to mind, Ricardo Scipio. i search the net, find his
web site and, miraculously resume
communication. in our email conversations,
i mention that i'd now like to do a nude shoot. (in
retrospect, i probably only mentioned it because i
knew he was living a safe distance away, in Yew
York.) i know that i'd love to do one, but i also
wonder if i have the confidence. he says that he'd
do it if i'm ever in New York or he's in Toronto. i
wasn't in New York. i was safe, for the moment.
skipping ahead to the present......
Ricardo emails me and tells me that he'll be in
Toronto for a few weeks. PANIC! the internal battle
begins. i consult numerous friends, all of whom
encourage me. i fight with myself, knowing that i
want to do it and the chance may not come up
again for another 10 years. i am consumed with
excitement and anxiety. i consider all the ways in
which to lose some weight and tone up in a week. i
realize that i'll have to make due with what God
gave me. it's now or never. time to get over myself.
with some encouragement from a good friend who
had decided to do the shoot as well, i call up
Ricardo. i tell him, "i'm gonna do it". we arrange the
date and time. i give him directions. that incredible
day......

i take one final look in the mirror. i see all the flaws i
think i have. i hear her in the back of my mind saying
that i should be happy the way i am. she tells me that
i should be content in my own beauty. she continues
whispering words encouragement. i stop
obsessing. i hear her for the first time and realize
that she's right. i take a quick walk with my dog. upon
my return, he's on the doorstep, photography
equipment in hand. i open the door, he says..... "Ok,
get naked."
- by Anonymous

Reflections on Beauty

Beauty is only skin deep isn't that what people say
In my opinion beauty is very complex. I embarked upon a project which forced me to understand true naked beauty, The Goddess Project nudes. I thought to myself was I ready to expose to a camera my naked self? My fears and doubts were quashed immediately once Ricardo Scipio began clicking away.

I kept thinking what if I looked deformed through the lense? Will my scars and marks appear? Ricardo truly made this experience enjoyable. While I undressed with nature surrounding me Ricardo helped me to envision the strength of a Black women through my nakedness, and as I posed and moved for the camera I felt like a Goddess. I relinquished my inhibitions about being naked and embraced my nudity to stand tall with major support from the photographer. I felt up lifted while my pictures were taken. I cupped my breasts with true gratitude for what I have been blessed with and that in it self is true beauty. The Goddess project helped me to revel in the height of my buttock and the flesh that encompassed my bones. I realized; I needn't be a skinny super model to be considered beautiful, what I have is beautiful and The Goddess project, Ricardo is willing to show the world that beauty comes in Black too.

As I lifted my hands to the sky I felt high, I felt like a bird. I truly wanted to fly, I felt good I became so comfortable in my own skin. I felt the crisp air in the bottom of my belly. What made this photo session so beautiful was my unity with nature. I expressed my love of water to Ricardo and in doing so he picked a location surrounded by water, trees and sand which helped me to feel at peace with myself as I have associated water with

serenity for years. Water has always calmed my emotions and helped to clear my mind when I have needed clarity. In one of the shots I begin walking to the water and I really felt like I was coming home, I wanted to dive right into the naked water. As I moved my arms I felt fluid even though the temperature outside was cold my energy gave my body heat. From Uncomfortable, Ricardo brought comfort to me in taking these pictures. I saw beauty in everything that stood beside me that day. The trees, the high bush, the stream of water and the rocks all seemed to enhance my look& as I kneeled into the sand I truly felt like I was being reborn from the earth. By the end of the session I forgot that I was naked I was ready for so much more but the role of film was finished. Ricardo you are wonderful! Your project has allowed me to feel conceded in a good way. I look at my body and I smile because I'am a Goddess, a true reflection of BLACK BEAUTY!!!!!!!!!!!!
-by Anonymous

New Beginnings

Ricardo is telling her she IS the goddess. She personifies WHAT goddess means. Is it the truth? She should believe it if it’s true. What will it mean if she does accept it? Someone will make a comment to bring her back to reality. Someone will tell her the REAL truth. All those words come flooding back… Fat, ugly, undesirable, unlucky, lazy. All heard at some point in her life whether uttered or simply read in people’s eyes. She has even told herself those things so as to beat others to it. How did she get this way? She was a beautiful baby, a cute girl, a pretty teenager. She went from being a real person to being invisible. From being accepted to being a target.

Marriage, one of life’s milestones. Someone to accept her as she is. She wonders if acceptance is eventually replaced by complacency. Love replaced by habit. No safe haven to which she can run and hide. No rescue from her own demons. Children are her motivation, the cloak with which she surrounds herself. Unconditional love from a child heals many wounds. Self worth for having achieved something so beautiful begins to take hold. Body issues still plague her. Bigger on the outside means smaller on the inside. But never small enough to avoid the pain. Resolutions abound. Diet here, exercise there. She doesn’t long for the  skinny body of a model but for inner peace and strength. She must gain self awareness and learn to love herself so that others can reflect that back. She is starting to see all the pieces of the puzzle but lacks the tools with which to solve it.

She is amazed at how empowering the internet is. Providing resources and connections to people from everywhere. Realizing there are women who feel the same way she does. Visiting web sites promoting women’s individuality and inner beauty help her to focus on her goal. The journey she would make over the next three years would be a long but rewarding trek.  - Faye

Goddess Reflections

A young girl grows up assimilating the world around her...taking on various things to compliment who she thinks she is...she wears many hats from other
people's heads ...only to find that they don't really fit her afterall.  As she travels along in her journey, she meets many who will hold up the mirror of reflection, casting back to her a part of who she is...(it is not always a pretty picture) but if she is willing to look...I mean REEEEEEEELY look...she can then "see" who it is that she really is, as opposed to who
she thinks she is supposed to be........which is no mere reflection...

Though unfortuneately, that's all many will ever become...a self imposed image of other people's reflection.  My heart feels this pang  when I see
women/girls wearing the image of another, and you can see that it just does not fit them.. it is an image that is not authentic to their character, their personality, their spirit...it covers up and masks their own innate inner beauty....and they become like a shell... a mere echo of others.  This is no little thing, for it then robs them of tapping into their own source of power...abdicating if you will, the realization of their own inner personal knowledge ...leaving it instead up to the approval and criticism of others...which can then lead them into feeling that life indeed can be a cruel and unjust world...unworthy of their contributions in it.
I have often been touched by women who carry this indominable goddess spirit...like a flaming torch, they radiate and give off a glow that is seen, felt, known...this woman knows who she is...and has gone through the fire of experiance to get there... it is powerful...and because it is not dependent on what others may think.. she knows where her source of power truly abides...for she has had to dig down and claim it deep inside herself... created for none other, it is uniquely hers...she has accepted who she is..and walks in the fullness of her own divine authenticity..she then creates her own sense of style, and is attractive no matter what she wears or what she may look like...her fragrance flairs the nostrils of others as thay catch a wiff of her powerful divine scent.  The woman who can reveal her own God given inner beauty shines brighter than the most precious of gemstones and radiates like the sun above.She has taught me and shown me, as one who travels before...I have chosen to yolk with this energy...and walk tall and proud of my
woman/goddesshood.  I am a warrior goddess, and will fight to protect that which I have purposefully gained...for I too, have walked through the fire,
allowing the flames to burn off that which is false...
-Tracey

My Goddess Project Experience

Part 1

First I wrote part 2, then I looked at some other pieces written by Ricardo’s goddesses. My nudity was abandoned at age twelve when the artist I had “sat for” for two years asked me to sit nude.

I secretly thought this was sexy and he was sexy so I did. My first sexualized indiscretion. Showing a lover my body has always been a source of power for me, at any size. I was described as voluptuous at the age of 8 or 9, before I had breasts.

Part 2

It is a great compliment to a woman’s essential being, to be appreciated in her most real, most fundamental sense. On this blustery day in November, Ricardo Scipio and I shared a sacred trust.

Now I look different than I did in my twenties and the pleasure of the prospect of admiration of my nude, regardless of how far flung, is a thrill. As a woman-child I was the object of much leering, but now I look full-blown and fecund and that is too close to the Madonna for many would-be admirers to assimilate.

My great pleasure in modeling for this, Ricardo’s Goddess series comes from the gratification that primally, for woman, is to share ones earthly femininity with a man who is not one’s lover, or many men. Or anyone who is turned on by looking at a woman.

Everyone fantasizes about being admired aesthetically and/or sexually. I prefer sexually, since attraction is so basic.

There are women, who I regard as beautiful in the sense that to look upon them is a pleasure. I fantasize about what it would be, to be them. To have your eyes on me.
-Anonymous